How Deep This Regret Goes Chapter 06

How Deep This Regret Goes Chapter 06

Maya’s POV 

Three locations in two days. Coffee shop where we used to study. Bookstore where he bought me that. poetry collection. Campus quad where we had our first real talk. 

Same thing every time. I set up the camera. He stands where I tell him. I hit record. He performs. 

At the coffee shop, Henry went on about how cute I looked when I was concentrating on my textbooks. At the bookstore, he remembered every detail of picking out that Neruda book for me. On campus, he recreated 

our whole first conversation, down to what I was wearing and the joke I made that cracked him up. 

Every single time, I smiled. I nodded. I said “that’s perfect, babe.” 

Every single time, I felt something crack open inside my chest. 

Second night, I couldn’t hold it together anymore. We got home, Henry jumped in the shower, and I locked myself in the bedroom. 

Then I just broke. 

I was teaching myself how to fall apart without making any sound because I couldn’t let him hear me. 

I shoved my face into the pillow and cried until my throat burned. All those lies he told the camera. All those sweet words that didn’t mean anything. Every time he looked at me like I was everything to him when the truth was I’d always been nothing. Just a way to get back at Dennis. 

Stop. You have a plan. 

Didn’t make it hurt any less though. 

Next afternoon, we went grocery shopping. Normal Sunday thing. Henry grabbed a cart, I started loading stuff we needed for the week. 

I was reaching for pasta when I felt it. That weird thing where you just know someone’s watching you. 

I turned around. 

Some girl was standing three aisles over, staring straight at Henry. She didn’t look away when I caught her. Just kept staring. 

I gripped the pasta box hard enough to dent it. 

Henry was studying cereal boxes like his life depended on it. 

Then she started walking toward us. 

My heart went crazy. She was coming right for him, 

not even trying to hide it. 

“Henry?” 

He looked up. His face did this thing where it cycled through about five emotions in two seconds flat. 

Surprise, panic, guilt. Then he forced himself to look normal. 

“Brynn.” He set the cereal down slow. “Hey.” 

There she was. The girl from the texts. The hotel dates. The one who got “miss you” messages and “the other night was amazing. 

“What a coincidence!” Her voice was all light and cheerful, “I was just grabbing stuff for dinner.” 

She finally looked at me. Gave me this polite smile. that didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Oh.” Henry shifted. “This is Maya. My fiancée. Maya, this is Brynn. 

I made myself smile. Stuck out my hand. “Nice to meet you. 

Brynn shook my hand. Her grip was firm. Her smile got bigger, “You too! He talks about you constantly.” 

“Really?” I kept my voice casual even though my pulse was hammering, “Funny, I don’t remember him ever mentioning a Brynn. 

Something flickered across her face. Too quick to catch. 

“Well, you know.” She waved her hand. “Old friends. 

Everyone loses touch eventually.” 

“Totally get that.” I turned to Henry. “Babe, wheat pasta or regular?” 

“Uh. Regular.” 

Brynn was still standing there. Looking between us with this expression I couldn’t read. Amused, maybe. 

“Well.” She adjusted her purse. “I should let you guys finish shopping. Really nice meeting you, Maya. 

“Yeah. You too.” 

she walked away down the cereal aisle. I watched until she turned the corner and disappeared. 

Then I looked at Henry. 

He wouldn’t look at me. Just grabbed the cart and started pushing. “We need milk, right?” 

“Yeah.” My voice came out flat. “Milk.” 

We finished shopping without talking. Every time I glanced at him, he was staring at products like they were the most fascinating things he’d ever seen. 

In the car, he finally spoke. “That was awkward.” 

“Was it?” 

“Running into Brynn like that. Small world.” 

I stared out the window. “She seemed nice.” 

“Yeah, she is. We weren’t close or anything. Just had some party together.” 

Liar. 

“She’s pretty,” I said. 

Henry’s hands went tight on the wheel. “I guess.” 

“How old is she?” 

“I don’t know. Twenty–three? Twenty–four maybe?” 

Younger than me. Of course. 

Neither of us said anything else the whole drive home. 

That night I pulled out the journal. My hand was steady for once. 

*Countdown: 10 Days* 

*Met Brynn today. “Ran into her” at the grocery store, except I’m pretty sure it wasn’t random. She knew exactly where we’d be.” 

*She’s younger than I thought she’d be. Prettier. The kind of girl who doesn’t have to work at it. Henry said they weren’t close. But I saw how they looked at each other when they thought I wasn’t watching.* 

I stopped. Pressed the pen down so hard it almost tore the paper. 

*She’s only ever loved you, right Henry? That’s what you said at Mike’s party. At least Brynn’s only ever 

loved you. Not like me. Not like Maya who wasted eight years on Dennis before she finally gave up and settled for you.* 

*Is that what makes her better? Her heart was empty before you showed up? She didn’t have any history you’d need to compete with?* 

*Because yeah, I loved Dennis. I loved him desperately and stupidly for eight whole years. And when I finally let him go, when I finally scrubbed him out of my system and made space for you, I thought that meant something. I thought you’d see that as proof I was serious. About us. About you.* 

*But you thought it was disgusting. Those eight years made you sick.* 

*So you picked someone with a blank slate. Someone who could write your name first.* 

I closed the journal. Stared at nothing. 

Later that night I was in bed, back turned to Henry. Room was dark except for streetlight coming through the curtains. 

I felt him move behind me. The mattress dipped. 

Then his hand touched my shoulder. Light. Careful. 

I held my breath. 

His hand pulled back. 

“Maya?” His voice was barely there. “You awake?” 

I kept breathing slow and steady. Didn’t move. 

Quiet. Then even quieter: “I’m sorry. 

Everything in me went still. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t know how to… I don’t know how to fix this.” 

Then don’t marry me. Just don’t show up. Do what you were planning anyway. Save us both the trouble. 

But I didn’t say anything. Just lay there while Henry breathed behind me. 

“I wish…” He stopped. Started over. “I wish I could go back. Do everything different.” 

A tear slid down my face. Then another. But I made zero sound. 

Eventually Henry rolled over. Turned away from me. 

We lay there back to back in the dark. Two people who were supposed to get married in ten days.